


Oddly Divine

by LurkerUnchanged



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: For the Idiots to Lovers, I dont know if I've got the 2 down to a tee and I dont really know Jesus, Im probably going to hell for how I portrayed Jesus but Ineffable husbands are worth it., M/M, OOC Characters I think, Self-Indulgent, This was for me so back off it's bad, Unbeta'd, We Die Like Men, divine intervention, i suck at summaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 14:19:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19336267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LurkerUnchanged/pseuds/LurkerUnchanged
Summary: Crowley attempts to tempt the Son of God because why not. Years into the future everything about the encounter finally makes sense.





	Oddly Divine

**Author's Note:**

> Alternatively
> 
> Are you telling me that Crowley met Jesus and the Man didnt even have the decency to try and help Crowley with his lovelife Nope. This is me headcanoning Jesus definitely trying to nudge them along despite knowing it will have no effect because this was predestined pining. But who was to stop Him from trying. 
> 
> Also Ive been awake for 24 hours and my last remaining brain cells decided to churn this fic out because WHY THE FUCK NOT. Might come back to edit this later once I've slept or delete it all together once my senses return.

"Did you uh ever meet him?" Aziraphale asked, trying not to wince as he saw one of the nails dig deeper into the Son of God's hand.

"Yes," Crowley nodded seemingly unfazed. "He seemed a very bright(1) young man. I showed him all the kingdoms of the world." In hindsight, Crowley dint even need to try to tempt the man. Technically speaking, the entirety of the universe was His by birthright. 

Aziraphale seemed to echo his sentiments but still asked, curious "Why?" 

Crowley shrugged. Jesus was supposedly human and humans were oh so easily tempted. In the end it couldn't have hurt to try. 

"He's a carpenter from Galilei, his travel opportunities are limited." Which was not entirely untrue. 

 

 

For everyone who ever met the Word incarnate, they would all agree on one thing - meeting Him would always be an odd if not life-changing event. Crowley could definitely attest to that. 

Contrary to what some have imagined it, Crowley meets him not at the peak of the mountain but on the road back down. 

The angel who was with the Lord, having accompanied Jesus for the past forty days and forty nights, was recalled his task accomplished. Everything was going according to what Heaven planned. Jesus having finished was left alone to go back and ponder. 

Crowley who so happened to just be at the area,(2) with no angel around to smite him where he stood, and never one to miss an opportunity to tempt, decided to test his luck.

"So you're the Son of God."

Jesus raised his eyebrow and turned to Crowley, not unfazed at the least by Crowley's appearance. A nice first impression, at least the messiah was not the judgemental type.

"We are all sons and daughters of God." Jesus answered. Crowley scowled in return, unable to decipher what the man intended with his statement. Trust the Son of God to talk in metaphors as well. 

"Ah yes of course, of course but the word down the grapevine is that you, my brother brother is it okay if I call you that since we're all sons and daughters of God and what not, is sssspecial among ussss. You - " A loud grumble interrupted Crowley. His eyes widened a fracture of an inch. 

Jesus for his part, seemed uncomfortable and was that a hint of embarrassment Crowley saw. It was easy to forget that this Jesus was someone who required sustenance unlike most divine beings do. So He wasn't infallible. (3) 

"Terribly rude of me to not offer you something to eat, seeing as that you're er hungry, but you see I don't actually have any food with me but then again I've heard that you're the sort of man who can feed 5000 people by only multiplying 2 pieces of fish and 5 loaves of bread. How about you turn these stones into to bread then we can continue talking shall we?"

Jesus regards Crowley for a moment and if it wasn't for the fact that the Man's stomach was growling like there was no tomorrow, Crowley would have felt utterly judged and proven guilty for something he hasn't even done. 

Instead Jesus smiles at him and says "Man does not live by bread alone but, by every word that comes from God." With such an answer Crowley thought that this was maybe Jesus' way of saying thanks but no thanks which in hindsight was not as Godly as he seems. Tempting the untemptable. This was hopeless

"Crowley." Jesus called.

"Yes? Crowley answered.

"Your temptation will not come to pass." He said with certainty 

So He knew what the demon had came here to do. So much for the added element of surprise. Temptation was always best when disguised as a need. 

"I knew that." Crowley said trying to sound nonchalant but failing. 

"I figured it couldn't have hurt to try. After all, if it was possible for angels, made supposedly of good to fall what more than a divine being turned human to resist temptation." 

Crowley said with a challenge in his eyes. 

Jesus smile only got softer. "You always did ask so many questions." He said, "But in time, you might learn not to put the Lord your God to the test."And there was a finality in his tone that Crowley would have done well to listen to but he couldn't be bothered at the moment. His temptation was not going as he planned he did. 

"A heavy order considering I no longer answer to Heaven's higher up no more."

"We all serve the Lord. Your friend would agree."

"Believe what you will." Crowley certainly didn't. "Wait, What friend?"

"Do you not have any other plans to tempt me, demon?"

"Nope, I've tried food, Id tempt to give you the most beautiful woman in the world but I'm not stupid enough to think its on the lists that could actually tempt you."

Crowley pondered for a moment.   
"How about this. I could show you all the good places where you could run off to and lets avoid this whole painful salvation nonsense. I mean you're technically God why do you have to suffer for humanity? 

Crowley snaps his fingers and instantly they are taken atop of the mountain overlooking what is supposed to be a kingdom.

"To be a reincarnation of God and yet not being able to enjoy the world as it is, but being burdened by the weight of salvation, instead wouldn't you want to enjoy the world for what it was. Have you ever just enjoyed your creations. "

The man looks at him with pity, which Crowley does not understand. He wasn't the one who was about to die saving the world. 

"Crowley, it was my Father who created the world. And I have lived much of my life enjoying it. I have seen all that I may need to be and there will be better things to come. The Lord may have created the world but it is the people that will inherit it. As I am, it is not mine to enjoy but yours and your companion perhaps." 

Crowley knew a losing battle when presented with one. Tempting God's son may very well have been in the top of the list of losing battles.

"Well if you insist." Crowley snaps his fingers and the scene shift. The two suddenly find themselves back in the mountain. 

Wait Companion? Was this man talking about the other demons. 

Seeing his confusion Jesus chuckles and Crowley is hit with overwhelming warmth that permeates his entire being, overwhelming enough that he begins to be burned by it. 

"Get away from me, fiend." Almost immediately Crowley is pushed away and the burning eases. The warmth is tempered by distance but he can feel the Christ's controlling his effect. He thought that just by being basked by all that goodwill could've completely obliterated him but it seems that wasn't the case. For a moment he wonders if Aziraphale had to control his own presence so as not to harm Crowley 

"My Ever-so-curios Crowley. In time your answers will come but for now do take care of your best friend." 

"Now begone." Before Crowley could even asks who Jesus was referring to as best friend. He is whisked away and he finds himself back in Jerusalem. 

How did the man know his name in the first place.

 

 

Years into the future, the temptation of Christ becomes a benchmark of the Son's devotion to the Lord. The demon who had lived through the temptation is none the wiser of the epic retelling of the events despite his angel having owned several reprints. 

After the Armagedidn't, the two beings find themselves back in the bookshop. With Crowley lying his head on Aziraphale's lap, simply content to be in his presence, while Aziraphale rereads one of his numerous bibles. Crowley's thoughts drift to the particular moment where he had met Jesus. 

"Angel"

"Hmm"

"Angel"

"Yes Dear?"

"I think we have God's approval."

"Approval for what."

"Us."

Aziraphale just looked at Crowley as if he grew two heads, by which Crowley could but that was besides the point. Aziraphale had no idea what made Crowley's thoughts drift to the Almighty.

"Not that I doubt what you're saying my dear, but what made you think about this whole approval business. I thought we've already established that we need not look behind our shoulders any more for any approving or disapproving looks

"Well, you see, back in the Judean Desert.." 

 

 

FOOT NOTES: 

(1) Figuratively and literally, this was God after all. 

(2) He had heard from a group of 12 discussing that their holy master would not be with them for a few days in order to fast for forty days and nights. Most religious men who went into fasting was 10x more easier to tempt and convert to their side so the demon figured it would be an in and out job. He never expected the holy master to be the actual Son of God up until he actually felt His presence near. 

(3) Then again, it was easy to forget that He was human as well. Their presence although lidded was achingly familiar in its brilliance.

**Author's Note:**

> This was all just an elaborate plot to show that God through Jesus approved of the two ever since a long time ago.


End file.
